His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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