I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
