I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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