I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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