i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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