Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
do herpes really smell.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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