I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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