i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
