she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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