Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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