if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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