Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
