I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
