I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
