1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize