So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
