that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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