i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just gargled with NyQuil
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