remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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