Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
