Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
