I look better un-naked...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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