ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize