Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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