Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
