Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
