Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
