i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
