Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it hurts more in the daytime
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your penis caused this!
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