oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
