I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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