I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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