I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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