so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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