There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We're facebook friends in real life
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
