you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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