Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
