Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
