dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
