i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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