Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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