Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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