Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
