My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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