Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
