so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
