she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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