guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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