Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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