i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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