best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
