home. puking in laundry basket.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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