ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
