After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
