Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
