I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
