i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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