It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
