You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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