we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize