6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
