If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
