I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
