does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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