she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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